In March I solo traveled to the Philippines, spending one week in Palawan, specifically Coron and El Nido. It was my first time in Southeast Asia and my first true solo trip in a long, long time.
Which, honestly unexpectedly, resulted in a whole lot of negative self talk and intrusive thoughts questioning my decisions when I arrived. I wanted to share these thoughts and my reflections in case you ever find yourself having the same thoughts.
You’re not alone!! What you see on Instagram is usually a highlight reel, and doesn’t always show the full picture of the ups and downs that is what travel is truly all about.
As I sit at breakfast having just arrived the night before, I think to myself, why the heck am I here. And, why do I feel this urge to travel so much to the extent that it brings me to the Philippines, all alone??
While I’m waiting for my veggie omelette to arrive, I have an internal debate with myself about whether or not I wish I was with someone else on the trip.
- Does being alone help me immerse myself more fully in the moment?
- Or does it isolate me and enable me to stay inside and fall asleep at 6:30 pm, like I did last night?
I decide that I prefer the freedom of getting to do what I want and waking up on my own terms this morning. But that I would enjoy having another person here for peace of mind.
I haven’t felt unsafe being here in Coron, but it’s always a strange, unsettling feeling being somewhere new and unfamiliar.
Ironically, I’m probably less safe when I go for a run back home around Santa Monica, but I digress.
A small, flying insect comes close to my elbow, pulling me out of my thoughts. I swat it away, praying it’s not a mosquito that will infect me with the dengue fever.
I’ve been taking my malaria pills religiously the past few days, and am covered head to toe in both lightweight clothing and 12-Hour Sawyer Picaridin Insect Repellent. But that’s about the most I can do to protect myself against dengue.
It’s funny, the things you realize you take for granted about home when you travel.
I take a bite of my veggie omelette, reminding myself that this is just the beginning.
And that to travel is to push myself into moments like this, where I sit in a new place, questioning everything, and somehow feeling more alive because of it. I can't wait to see where the next week takes me.
Have you ever had similar thoughts when solo traveling? Let me know in the comments!
Be sure to follow along on Instagram for more travel content.
mariss